Teed Off
by willwrite4fics
Summary: Two teams of Joes ordered to learn a game in order to go undercover. Beachhead, Flint, CoverGirl, LadyJaye, SnakeEyes, Stormshadow and Clutch.
1. Chapter 1

Another plot bunny run rabid from the Twitter crew! Many of the ideas came from brainstorming. Thank you to my friends!

This is not set at any particular time, except I guess well after the current stories as StormShadow is part of the Joe team now. Sometimes the Joes have to do things new to them, even the best of the best don't know everything about all subjects. This includes BeachHead, Flint, LadyJaye, CoverGirl, SnakeEyes, Stormshadow, Scarlett and Clutch. Guest appearance by Duke and perhaps some more nefarious characters much later on.

Thank you to LadyJaye1 for her tireless beta work also!

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><p>Duke sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I don't care Beachhead. You are with Flint, Jaye and Covergirl. You will try your best to learn. Hawk and PsycheOut both think it's a good exercise for you to learn how to fit into a civilian setting anyway."<p>

Flint smirked at both the grumpy Ranger and Duke. "And what does 'Duke' think of the idea?"

Giving his second a baleful glare, Duke snorted loudly. "Duke thinks that they'd have a better chance of teaching SnakeEyes' wolf to fit into a poodle parlor. But that's why they get paid the big bucks and I get an extra bottle of asprin every week." He motioned at them all to exit the hotel room. "Get going. Everyone have everything because if anyone forgets something you're not coming back here until tonight."

Clutch hefted his bag onto his shoulder and grinned. The trim on the bag matched his loud plaid shirt which he claimed was perfectly in fashion, despite it clashing dramatically with the striped pants. "Hey, I'm more than ready. I haven't gotten onto a good course in forever, much less on a course like THIS one!" He settled his floppy golfing cap onto his head and gestured for Scarlett and LadyJaye to precede him through the door.

Grumbling under his breath, Beach walked out ignoring them. Covergirl gave Duke a bright smile and flounced out, in high spirits to match the high skirt she was wearing. Duke suspected half of Beach's objections were due to the shortness of her outfit and the fact that Clutch was in the group. The addition of both SnakeEyes and StormShadow to the outing wasn't making him any happier.

Duke was merely happy he got to assign himself as one of two suited bodyguards rather than having to actually go undercover disguised as a regular civilian. He wasn't all that certain that the chosen teams would be able to pass as normal citizens, considering the personalities. They'd just have to do their best.

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><p>Once the Joes got to the vehicles, Clutch insisted on taking the drivers seat of one, StormShadow, Scarlett and SnakeEyes climbing in with little fuss. SnakeEyes had endured LadyJaye assisting with his lifelike mask appliance. A set of dark glasses made him look normal. He and StormShadow had donned casual buttoned shirts and slacks, while Scarlett was dressed in a sedate knee length skirt that Beach had pointed out rather loudly was 'decent'. Covergirl had deliberately ignored the comment. Clutch however had managed to point out that Covergirl's skirt was much MUCH shorter and probably quite comfy, at which point Beach started making a warning rumble.<p>

Flint and Covergirl ended up doing rock-paper-scissors to drive the second SUV. Flint won out and got in with a relieved sigh. Jaye happily took shotgun in her fashionable outfit, smiling as Beach and Covergirl took the back seat.

She twisted to look at them while fastening her seatbelt. "You look very nice Beach. You and Flint both look like quite the dapper gents here."

Beach scowled. "I don't see why I hafta go dressin' up to go play some stupid game followin' a little ball around a buncha cowfields. This is ridiculous." He reached up to fiddle with the collar of his polo shirt and Covergirl slapped it down. "Cut it out."

"Don't mess with your shirt. You look very handsome." She smoothed her short skirt a bit. "This will be fun! I haven't played golf in forever."

He grunted at her. "I ain't played golf in... ever." His eyes flicked over to her and then back out the window as they drove along the busy roads. "Mainly cause it's the stupidest game ever invented."

Jaye twisted to eye him again. "Golf is a institution, Beach. All the best and brightest of society play golf." Adjusting the sleeves of her sweater so they laid over her shoulders just right, she smiled. "It's about being seen and socializing with your peers, not about the ball."

"Well, how come you gotta chase the danged ball around then?" Beach was beginning to sound resigned instead of annoyed as they passed through the elaborate gated entrance to the exclusive country club. "Hawk oughta just go to this Congressman's offices and talk to him there. Why do we gotta go out golfin' to learn how to do it right, just fer Hawk and him to show up tomorrow? We could just be regular armed guards insteada bein' disguised. Why he's gotta go out golfin' and make a big security thing outa it is beyond me."

Flint carefully steered them into the valet parking area. "Like most nice things in life are beyond you..."

"Shut up!" Beach snarled under his breath as he swallowed down the annoyance. "Sorry sir. Ah know about plenty of 'nice' stuff, sir."

Looking rather pleased at the rise he'd gotten out of the Ranger, Flint simply nodded graciously. "I'm certain you do, sergeant major." He tried to ignore the glares he was getting from both women. "The congressman doesn't like visible security, he likes to think he's one of the common man. So he only allows one or two body guards, even when he'd be exposed to potential threats. So it's either let Hawk roam around with a big fat target by himself, or go undercover as golfers. And to be undercover, everyone needs to be able to look like a regular golfer. Does that explain everything out for you, again?" Jaye's eyes narrowed slightly more and Flint cleared his throat. "We're here, remember to stay in character." He pulled up to a valet and stopped, stepping out and handing over the keys casually.

Covergirl hopped out, smiling disarmingly at the young valet who opened her door. He stared rather fixedly at her smile, obviously struggling not to let his eyes drop to the slightly exposed cleavage. It became much easier to ignore her chest when the large annoyed looking man rounded the back of the vehicle to glare at him. The valet edged around him while being glared at and grabbed two of the golf bags out of the back to take them to the entrance.

Covergirl placed one hand lightly on Beach's forearm and discreetly pinched him, hard. "Wayne, settle down and look harmless..." she whispered.

"Ow! Dang it." He shut his mouth abruptly although the tightness around his jaw told her he was still grumpy over the enamored valet. "Why're they takin' the equipment?"

She restrained him from heading for the valets carrying off the golf bags by hanging onto his arm. "They're valets, they're carrying our bags so we don't have to. It's fine." He grumbled under his breath again but stopped once they stepped inside. The lobby was as posh as the country clubs she remembered from her modeling days. Flint strode in confidently to check the group in for their appointed tee time, Jaye on his arm smiling. Beach watched him joking with a thin malnourished looking guy in a tight suit for a few minutes, Jaye tittering at the amusing comments like a vapid socialite. When Covergirl pinched his arm again, he realized he was frowning at people and struggled to put on a more pleasant expression.

Eventually the pair of Joes came strolling over. "We're right on time guys... and the greens are just superb today, so we're in luck, hey?" Flint laughed heartily.

Jaye hugged his arm and shooed at the other two Joes. "Oh today will be simply _fabulous_! I just can't wait to beat the pants off you, Wayne!" Her light carefree laughter sounded again as they headed out.

Trying to follow the lead of the others, Beach walked through the spacious rooms. He didn't see their golf bags but no one else seemed concerned so he figured the valets would return them before they actually needed them. Courtney strode along with her head up, looking confident and gorgeous. He felt the corner of his mouth quirk upwards as he watched her long shapely thighs with the ridiculously short skirt fluttering around them. Jaye had made a comment that the skirt was more suited to tennis than golf, which didn't make a lick of sense to Beach. Any woman playing any sport in a skirt _that_ short was just plain crazy. If they took any sort of spill, they were sure to get their legs scraped up.

"Wayne?" Courtney caught his wandering attention and crooked a finger at him playfully. "Don't loiter around, we'll miss our tee time!"

He grunted to himself but stepped along quicker. "That's be a danged cryin' shame, wouldn't it." He smiled tightly at her warning look. When they arrived outside, they followed a pathway that curved around neatly trimmed shrubs. Beach spotted the second car of Joes arriving and turned his gaze away. The ninja, Scarlett and Clutch would be the group right behind them on the golf course... if the plan went right. The Ranger let his eyes slide over his surroundings again, checking for threats, escape routes, his teammates, and a young man eying Courtney's legs more than necessary. That one blanched and turned to walk away quickly. Feeling a bit more satisfied, he turned his attention to his teammates again. Jaye and Flint both looked as if they belonged in the country club, strolling arm in arm. Personally he thought they looked like a couple of preppies. He'd point it out, except he was dressed almost the same as Flint. Both men wore polo shirts and slacks, although Beach had completely refused to tie a sweater around his neck. He had claimed he wasn't putting a garrote on his own neck for a random attacker to use. In truth, he didn't want to look any more like a useless fobbit than he already did.

Beach slowed his steps slightly, thinking back to when Duke had asked the assembled Joes if anyone knew how to play the game of golf well. Only a small handful of Joes had raised their hands, including Flint, Jaye, SnakeEyes, Scarlett, Clutch, Shipwreck and Covergirl. Duke had looked at them for a moment before clarifying slightly. "...and putt-putt golf doesn't count..." SnakeEyes and Shipwreck had dropped their hands in chagrin.

Somehow even though HE hadn't stuck his hand up, hadn't played the stupidest game in the history of stupid games OR volunteered for the mission, Beach was dragged along. He would have preferred to be assigned as one of Hawk's two 'bodyguards' like Duke and GungHo. Instead he was assigned to be a 'golfer' who would happen to be playing on the course near Hawk and the congressman. StormShadow and SnakeEyes had pointed out that they could just hide nearby using their considerable talent at not being seen. Duke had pointed out the almost complete lack of cover on much of the course, meaning that even the best ninja would be forced to stay up to a couple of hundred feet away. The fact that the two ninja were both unfamiliar with golf just like Beach was a little consolation. However, not only had he endured Scarlett and Covergirl rummaging through his scant wardrobe of civilian clothing for "suitable" outfits to wear, but he'd also had to listen to the unnecessarily complex rules regarding the game of golf on the plane ride out to this extremely expensive, extremely exclusive country club. Flint had been completely insufferable since the two four-man teams were chosen. He and Jaye spent a lot of time instructing the less-knowledgeable team members in the basics, including some of the terms for various things.

Flint had tried to drill Beach on which golf club should be used in which situation, only to be told "Ah don't see why Ah'd need more than one danged club, Ah ain't swingin' more than one at the stupid ball, right?" Then he'd had to listen to the long list of why different clubs were used for various conditions on the golf course and what the alternate choices of clubs were for some of the situations and how intelligent Flint was about the stupid game in addition to how well Flint played it.

They stopped at a spot that had nothing to note about it, other than a nicely trimmed shrub and some blank pavement. Everyone else seemed content to stand around like a bunch of pogues, so Beach stood impatiently and resisted the urge to sigh or smack Flint with a decorative rock. He did take the time to admire Courtney's legs again, because passing up the opportunity to look at legs that fine would be a real shame. His gaze flicked up to her face to see her giving him one of those looks that either meant she was flattered that he was looking at her... or that she was going to kick him in the nads. One day he'd learn to interpret the two looks better. Right now, he did the safe thing, looking her in the face blandly and then turning away slightly to look elsewhere. He wasn't sure why that usually led to him not getting kicked in his parts, but as long as it still worked, he'd still use it.

"Wayne." Courtney smiled brightly and took her sunglasses to put on as two golf carts drove up. Beach watched the young attendants as they got out and introduced themselves in a display of submission and ass kissing that made him twitch. He'd seen general's aides that didn't brown nose as badly as the employees here did. Courtney practically preened under the smiles of the two guys assigned to them. Jaye and Flint were already getting into the cart with their two, so Beach stepped up to grunt at Courtney. She turned to him, placing a warning hand on his arm reminding him to look pleasant. "Wayne, meet Andy and Greg. They're our caddies! Aren't they just sweet!"

His gaze traveled over the skinny frames, the deep even tan and the perfect hair on each. They were so alike, he wasn't certain he'd be able to tell them apart. "Hi." He tried to sound 'friendly' but the polite smiles turned slightly nervous anyway.

He felt her fingers pinch his skin before she turned loose to wave at their cart, pointing at the departing Flint and Jaye with their 'caddies' sitting on the back seat. "Come along, Wayne, we don't want to get left behind!"

Sighing a bit because he knew what was coming, Beach settled into the front seat, not even trying to take the driver's position. Courtney scooped her skirt underneath her shapely behind as she slipped into place. Grinning widely, she turned to the two youngsters sitting casually on the rear facing backseat. "Hang on!"

Beach tipped his head back. "She really means that..." He grabbed the top as she slapped her foot onto the pedal. To his surprise, the little electric motor didn't catapult them at any high rate of speed. Instead they trundled along at a speed he could have outrun without breaking much of a sweat. He grinned at her disappointed expression. "Well well... "

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Shut up." Instead of following directly behind Flint's path, she turned to take a slight upslope to the left. "We'll just see how fast it can go..."

"Barbie, you better keep it..." Beach clamped his mouth shut as they topped the hill and began barreling down the much steeper slope towards the other cart. As they picked up speed, Covergirl regained her happy expression. The gravity assistance increased their speed, although the little motor began to whine in a distressed sounding manner. Beach cringed slightly as they headed right for the oblivious Flint, casually steering his cart while chatting with Jaye. When it was evident that Covergirl wasn't going to veer away, he raised his voice in a warning shout. "Watch it Fl... uhhh... FAIREBORN! LOOK OUT!"

Flint twisted and gaped as Covergirl's straining cart rocketed just past the nose of his own conveyance. "HEY! Cut that out!" He shook his head as Jaye laughed. "Lead-foot!"

Courtney laughed as well, although once they were back on the level grass, the cart slowed itself to the more sedate speed to match Flint. Beach turned to check that they hadn't lost the attendants and found them both hanging on for dear life. "She told ya'll to hang on."

"Yes sir!" One nodded although he didn't turn to look. Beach frowned and tried to ignore the term. He reminded himself he was fitting into a civilian world, thus being called 'sir' was a mere sign of respect from a toady, not a mistake on the part of a recruit. Flint shouted for them to take the left hand lane, causing Courtney to circle around a tree to bring them in behind the other cart. They arrived at a smaller building with an outdoor bar and several parties already sipping on drinks and enjoying the place. Beach snorted softly and got out to look around warily. Courtney strode by, giving him a sharp poke in the ribs as she passed.

"Wayne, smile... it's a lovely day. I'm sure Dashiell will take it easy on you." She laughed lightly over her shoulder, but the look she gave him over the tilted down sunglasses said he wasn't behaving like a properly brainless civilian so he tried to put on a smile and followed her.

When Beach saw the caddies picking up the golf bags, he stepped over to get his own only to have it snapped up by one of their assistants. "That's mine." He held out a hand for it impatiently.

The caddy hefted it to his shoulder. "No sir, I'll carry it for you!" His bright cheerfulness faded when the burly Ranger frowned at him.

"What? Ya think I can't carry a measley bag of golf equipment?" Beach twisted at Flint's throat clearing. The warrant officer was standing next to the other pair of caddies, loaded down with his and Jaye's bags. Flint's eyes flicked over to his caddy and then back to Beach twice. "Fine. Carry my danged bag then. Gawd knows I need help toting around a little..."

"Wayne, stop teasing your caddy." Jaye looped an arm through his to drag him along. "Come on, the first hole is just over here. Aren't these greens simply lovely? They must pay the groundskeepers a fortune."

Looking around at the lush grass, Beach sighed lightly. "Yes, it's wonderful. Very green." They arrived at a starting spot with a '1' up on a small tasteful sign.

Flint sighted across the area with a hand shading his eyes. "Looks like a good first hole, Alison. Par three?" This last comment was made to his caddy who was pulling out a golf club to hand to the man.

"Yes sir. There's a small waterhole just to the right over that rise." With that comment, the caddy stepped back out of the way a little and Beach watched Flint put one of the little wood spikes into the ground and balance a golf ball on it.

Courtney stood next to him, a rather vacant smile on her face as she watched Flint concentrating on the ball and adjusting his stance slightly several times while they waited. When he swung, there was a little crack of the club hitting the ball and they all watched it fly over the grass in a neat arc. It landed somewhere out of sight due to small rises in the ground.

Jaye and Courtney both made approving remarks about how good a shot he'd made. The caddy nodded and accepted the club to put it back into the bag. Courtney walked over to put her ball into place and he watched with a lot of appreciation as she settled in to swing. She kept wriggling her hips in a way that made him think of anything but the sport of golf. He blinked when she swung, the sharp whoosh and crack of the ball being hit startling him. He watched her ball follow Flint's over the hill.

"Nice shot Court!" Jaye patted her and she smiled as she handed her club back to the caddy who congratulated her as if she'd just preformed brain surgery. "I thought you said you were just a casual player?"

"I am. It was a lucky shot." Courtney came over to Beach who smiled at her. "Oh... loook at you. Better be careful, you might enjoy this day off here!"

He rolled his eyes as he covertly watched Jaye line up her swing and take her shot. He didn't want to look like a complete idiot when it was his turn, but it didn't look too difficult. He generally hit things he took a swing at. "Well, that's the point ain't it? Enjoy the day and fresh air and junk?" The smile came back as he looked at her legs again. "At least the scenery is good." He paused as she beamed happily. "I mean, look at how green the grass and trees are..."

She smacked his arm as Jaye snickered. The intel agent pointed at the spot and crooked a finger at him. "Your turn Wayne. Come on, I'll show you." Jaye let him place one of the tiny wood stands in the ground and watched him struggle to balance a golf ball on top of it. Taking pity on him after a moment, she readjusted it all and stepped back. The stupid ball sat on top like it was glued in place when _she_ did it. "Okay... step up..."

The caddy offered him a golf club which he took and looked at briefly. He wasn't certain what he was looking for, but Flint had looked at his club so he figured he'd look too. No hidden implements popped out so he hefted it slightly and looked down at the ball. Arranging himself like he'd seen the others, he lined up the club carefully.

Jaye spoke up. "You need to stand closer, Wayne." Glaring briefly, he stepped closer anyway. "There... spread your feet apart a little more. Okay." She shut up and he gazed down at the stupid little white ball.

Suddenly he looked up. "Where the hell is it supposed to go?" All three laughed but Flint pointed out the general area, the same spot everyone else's balls had gone, so Beach supposed that made sense. Looking at the ball, he tightened his grip on the club and took a swing guaranteed to send the ball winging past all the others. Looking across the grass, he failed to spot his ball, so he looked to Courtney to see her with a hand clamped over her mouth in an attempt to stifle laughter. He frowned and looked at Flint to see him cast his eyes down with a smile. Looking down, he saw his ball sitting on the ground next to the wooden peg. "Dammit."

He picked it up and put it back on the peg. Someone cleared their throat and he glared. "That don't count. It's still touchin' the dang peg. It don't count as a try if'n it's still touchin'."

Jaye nodded at the other two. "That's fair."

Flint frowned. "This isn't checkers... you can't just say 'I was still touching it'." With two glares on him, he relented and shrugged. "But it's the tee shot, so I suppose it doesn't hurt anything. Take another swing, try to relax though, don't swing as hard as you can."

Beach frowned mightily at the ball. "Well I gotta hit it hard to make it go way over there."

Jaye took pity on him again. "Yes, but you don't need to strangle the club there, big guy." She came over to stand behind him and patted his hand. "Loosen up. You just grip it, don't clamp down. It's like baseball, you swing hard, but not as hard as you possibly can, right?"

He shrugged free of her. "Yeah, okay. I got it, I got it. Get outa the way so I don't whack ya." She stepped away and he frowned at the ball, concentrating on holding the club tight but not too tight, standing in the right way, gearing up to swing in a straight line with a crooked metal stick... Courtney giggled suddenly and he lifted his face to glare at her. "What now?"

"Nothing." She wiped the amusement off her face and tried to look innocent. He snorted and went back to lining up to hit the ball when she giggled again. When he glared, she waved a hand at him. "Sorry. I'll be quiet."

Once again he got ready to hit it, determined to make club and ball connect this time. When Jaye tittered softly, he straightened up and glared at them both. "Whut the hell is so damned funny?"

Courtney gave and laughed outright. "You're sticking your tongue out... when... when you're staring at the ball, you stick your tongue out..."

"Dang it.." He took a breath and ignored them to line up a shot and swung powerfully at the innocent ball. The soft crack of success made him yelp as the ball went flying across the grass. "Well hell." His ball went off to the left a bit and didn't go nearly as far as the others. "Why'd it go and land way over there?"

The caddy stepped up to hold out a hand for his golf club. "Just a bit of a hook, sir. Can I take your driver?"

The burning glare turned onto him and made the caddy freeze in instinctive reaction. A low growl emerged along with the human speech. "Whut about mah driver?"

Courtney reached to take the club away and handed it to the young man. "Your golf club... the one you just used to 'drive' the ball. Remember? Drivers, irons and putters?"

Beach's expression cleared. "Oh yeah. Use the driver to hit the ball a long ways, the irons to make it go far and not as far and putters to knock it around when it ain't far at all." The caddy breathed out a sigh of relief as Beach turned to walk away. "I still think someone oughta make one club to hit the dumb balls with." The foursome walked across the thick carpet of grass and then Beach stopped to look around. "Dang it... how do I find the stupid ball?"

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Next chapter... Clutch, Scarlett and the ninja tee off!


	2. Chapter 2: When you're in a Clutch

And to continue the fun... the second foursome of Joe golfers... Clutch, Scarlett, StormShadow and SnakeEyes(they are playing a couple holes behind the first group).

Names:

Just to let everyone know, I actually work in a well known golfing area that holds tournaments and such. I don't golf myself, but I'm running things by a actual golfer to check for accuracy(where accuracy is needed of course). So there MAY be errors in terms or such, but I'm struggling to make certain I don't make any major ones. I appreciate the reviews and I think this will be a fun fic overall. It will get a bit ridiculous at times, as only GI Joe can. Ninjas golfing... whoathunkit? Although, it's one form of golf I'd totally watch on tv.

Chapter 2

Clutch practically strutted out of his golf cart, ignoring the trailing caddies as effectively as any billionaire ignored his personal assistant. Looking over the first hole, he put hands onto his hips and smiled. "This looks magnificent! What's par on this?"

His caddy gave a polite smile and handed over a club. "Three Sir. There's a small water hazard just over there." He pointed off to the appropriate direction and stepped back out of the way.

Clutch gazed in that direction and then took a deep breath of the clean fresh air. "Okay then. You guys listen up. This hole is supposed to take a decent golfer three shots to reach the end and put the ball in the hole. That means that a couple shots to get on the green, then a single putt to put it in. You with me so far?"

StormShadow snorted softly, having already assessed the caddies as complete non-threats, he was beginning to look a little bit interested in the game. "Okay, so we get three times to hit the ball before we're 'out' and have to go home?"

Scarlett laughed softly. "Stop being so sarcastic Tommy! Lance will give you some good tips." Two of the caddies were very discreetly eying her figure. Any other foursome would have sworn the caddies were the epitome of proper young men. To a Intel agent, two ninja and a connoisseur of pretty women who could break his spine, they were complete amateurs.

Storm's snort was a little louder this time. "Oh and you don't need any tips?" He elbowed SnakeEyes slightly. "Your girlfriend seems pretty confident. What say I bet you twenty that I out play her?"

Scarlett rolled her eyes as SnakeEyes shook his head. "I'll take that! I actually know about this." Clutch cleared his throat self-importantly and she turned to him. "Come on Lance... let's hit the ball."

He sighed and put a tee into the ground. "Tee up the ball... make sure you have the right stance, relax... when you swing, follow through, nice and smooth." He looked at the three Joes watching him. "Okay? Any questions?" SnakeEyes motioned slightly. "Yes?"

Looking across the grass briefly, SnakeEyes signed quickly. *Where are the windmills?*

Clutch hid his face with a hand briefly while Scarlett managed to jab his ribs for the question. "It's... not... puttputt." His exasperated tone sounded weary. The caddies did a credible job of not snickering out loud.

SnakeEyes tilted his head, the realistic rubber mask not conveying any emotion. *No windmills? Where's the hole?* He turned to stare at the caddies who stood impassively looking bored. They couldn't understand his ASL, but he felt self-conscious standing in front of strangers without his normal mask.

Clutch repeated the question to one of the caddies who helpfully pointed and repeated the 'water hazard' remark. Storm and Snakes exchanged a look at the word 'hazard' and Clutch rushed to explain. "Water hazards are ponds on the course."

Both ninja relaxed. "Well, a pond isn't exactly hazardous..." Storm had regained his interest.

Clutch sighed. "Well, not if you don't hit your ball into one. Any other questions?" When he got only silence, he stepped up to the ball on the tee. "You just relax... and swing." He suited words to actions and his smooth swing sent the ball flying across the grass out of sight. "Not bad... I think I'm a bit out of practice."

The remaining three all looked at each other. SnakeEyes gestured for Scarlett to go next. She walked up and took the club her caddy offered her. "This is the right one to use?"

"Yes ma'am... unless you'd prefer a different driver?" The caddy's deferential tone made her lips twitch slightly. "I could exchange it for whichever of your clubs you'd like..."

Clutch broke in as she was looking at the club thoughtfully. "You want that one, Shana."

She nodded somberly. "Yes, I think the driver will do nicely."

As she stepped up to put her ball on a tee, Clutch grinned. "You know... I'm a driver..." He suddenly twisted around grabbing at the back of his head. "OW! What the hell was that?" He glared at two oblivious ninja in plain clothes. "Did you throw something at me?"

Both of them shrugged at each other. Storm was the one to speak. "I certainly didn't throw anything and I didn't see anyone throw anything at you.. must have been... hmm... a squirrel. Terrible creatures, squirrels. They plot against you when you're not looking."

Clutch's eyes narrowed. "Very funny." He twisted back to watch Scarlett hit her golf ball, telling her how to correct her stance and grip. Finally she swung and connected. Unfortunately her ball only traveled a short distance before bouncing along into the deep grass. "Oh oops... you hooked it pretty bad. It's in the rough."

She looked to where her ball had disappeared into the grass. "In the rough what?"

Clutch sighed. "That area that doesn't look all manicured and pretty? That's the 'rough'. You want to stay on the 'fairway' which is the smooth looking areas. I thought you knew how to play golf?"

She thought about it and shrugged. "I know... mostly. Oh well. Sooo do I get to go hit it again so it goes over where your ball went?" She hefted the club in hand and was disappointed when he said no. "Well why not? I didn't get to go as far as you did!"

"You can take another stroke when everyone has teed off, okay?" Clutch motioned at the two ninja hanging back. "Next?"

Storm held out a hand to his caddy. "It looks easy." Positioning the ball on the wooden tee was simple for a man with the innate balance and training of a ninja master. He sniffed at the ball and squared up to hit it with his club. Clutch coughed slightly and he looked up with irritation. "What?"

"You need to turn the club so you hit the ball with the flat side... not the edge." Clutch put his hand on his chin, obviously trying to keep a serious expression.

Storm hefted the club up to eye level to peer at the head. "Why? The leading edge would do more damage... simple physics, man. Smaller surface area striking with the same amount of force behind it." He looked over at his sword brother. "I'm right, tell him."

SnakeEyes agreed with a nod. Clutch sighed heavily. "Well you're not trying to damage the ball. You're trying to drive it downrange... while it stays intact." When the ninja seemed doubtful, he raised his hands trying to convey his idea. "It's... it's like throwing a wiffle ball. You throw it too hard and it won't go anywhere. You have to throw it with a measured amount of force."

SnakeEyes agreed with this as well, nodding at Storm.

Hesitating, Storm watched his fellow ninja master agreeing before he asked. "What's a 'wiffle ball'?" He watched the graceful signs as SnakeEyes explained. "Why would anyone make a hollow plastic ball with holes in it?" He shook his head. "Whatever.. okay, so I use the flat side. But if it doesn't work, I'm blaming you."

Clutch shook his head and watched the ninja line up and swing. He winced as the ball flew off to the right. "Ooooo, you sliced it bad."

Storm immediately protested loudly. "I did NOT! I didn't even have a blade out!"

Facepalming himself again, Clutch explained. "Slicing means it veered off course to the right. Shana 'hooked' her ball to the left, you 'sliced' your ball to the right. It's the term for the mistake."

Tommy glared at the mechanic suspiciously before he turned to the hapless caddies who were still managing to keep somber expressions on their faces. "Is that right? Is he lying?" His eyes narrowed at them. "I'll know if you lie to me..."

Two of them shook their heads. "No sir... slice or hook mean it veered off in the wrong direction. The gentleman is correct." The daring caddy took the golf club back as it was thrust towards him and put it back into the bag with a gulp.

Shana sighed theatrically. "Trust you to slice something..." She did keep her expression to a smirk without laughing. "Get out of the way so Snakes can stroke."

Clutch groaned. "He can 'tee off' and hit the ball. Not stroke... good god, you people are all heathens." He watched their second ninja line up to hit the ball and waved his hands at him. "You don't have to break the club. Loosen up. Just let it rest in your hands and swing."

Storm stepped off a bit further away. "I'll bet your ball doesn't pass mine." He turned to look over the grass where all the balls had disappeared. "Ten dollars."

SnakeEyes snorted and rolled his shoulders before swinging powerfully at the ball. The ball flew off to the left while the club whipped out of his hands and into the side of StormShadow's head with a twack. While the slightly built Asian clutched at his head and cursed loudly in Japanese, Clutch jumped over to check he wasn't hurt. SnakeEyes was signing frantically that it was an accident.

Standing up, Tommy rubbed his ear. "I can't believe you hit me with a club."

SnakeEyes stiffened slightly. *I can't believe you didn't hear it coming and dodge. Getting soft?*

Tommy glared. "I'm going to pretend I didn't see you say that, brother. This game is stupid. Where do we go now." He turned to glare at Scarlett who was doubled over laughing hysterically. "You know, I'm going to remember this moment."

She straightened with an effort, wiping at her eyes with her thumb. "Oh... so will I... so will I..."

"I hate you. I hate this game." Storm turned on the four caddies remaining completely still and stoic either out of long practice serving drunken CEOs or through sheer terror of this strange foursome. "If I hear even the slightest snicker.. there'll be a whole new 'hazard' on this course."

"Yes Sir!" came the chorus from all four.

0 0 0 0

End chapter.

Kind of refreshing to see ninja that are not perfect at everything they try, isn't it? Next chapter will go back to the first foursome... until next time!


	3. Chapter 3: Learning Curves

And it's chapter 3 and thus back to our original foursome. Thank you all for the reviews!

As always, I don't own GI Joe and make no money from writing.

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><p>Flint struggled to keep his bored expression on as he and Jaye watched Beachhead hunting for his golfball... again. More accurately, they were watching the bushes shake and listening to continuous poor language erupting at top volume. He turned to look at Jaye. "Ten bucks says he never finds it."<p>

She smiled. "You're on. He won't stop looking until he finds it. It's pure stubbornness and pride now."

He snorted just as there was a victorious shout. "Damn it." He fished out a ten to hand over to a smug Jaye. "He'll never hit it out of that mess. He can barely hit it on the green."

There was a soft laugh from Covergirl. "He can barely hit it off a tee." As if to make a liar out of all of them, a small white ball came arching out to bounce along the green to a stop nearby. "Wow... how'd he make that hit?"

Flint frowned now. "There's no way he hit that."

Beach came hacking his way through the brush with a much abused nine iron. "Sonnabitch Ah hate this game." He brushed at his hair and glared at the caddies who emerged from the bushes as well. "Ain't ya'll suppose to find the damn ball?"

"Yes sir, sorry sir." The unfortunate Andy had ended up being Beach's caddy and got glared at every time he referred to Beach as 'sir' but hadn't clued in on why he was getting the hairy eyeball. The other caddies mostly tried to cater to the more polite members of the party, although they were all becoming more nervous at getting anywhere close to Covergirl. Her caddy had started handing over clubs from arm's length to keep the glowering fourth member from looking murderous.

As Beach stepped up to them, he looked at the various golf balls laying around. "Alright.. who's turn is it now?"

Flint sighed and got a club to give his ball a light whack to send it up onto the green and raised a hand in triumph as the ball rolled right up to the hole. Jaye praised the shot and Covergirl clapped lightly. His caddy murmured something complimentary and Beach snorted. Flint smirked at him. "Oh come now... you just performed magic hitting that ball out of the bushes like that." Beach's face suddenly went blank and he looked aside. "Wait... you did hit it out... didn't you?"

"Yeah." Still looking as if the surrounding trees were the most fascinating things he'd ever seen, Beach waved vaguely at the group. "So go on and take yer strokes... ain't gonna finish the game just standin' around."

Flint glared. "Now look, you have to hit the ball, you can't just throw it out. That's cheating."

Jaye put her arm through his, tightening her grip in warning. "Oh I don't think Wayne would cheat..." He started to object and she tightened her grip even more. "You're distracting Courtney..."

Covergirl was lining up her own shot, her ball just at the edge of the green already. "Oh no no... keep yammering away there... I'll just return the favor when you're trying to take your shots..." Humming softly, she wriggled her hips, glancing slyly over just for an instant to see Beach's attention focus on her. "And... " She swung and smiled as the ball tipped neatly over to roll across the green and drop into the cup with a slight rattle. "...there's a birdie for me."

Flint grumbled at her. "I think you're hustling me. That's a par, two birdies and a bogie. Are you sure you haven't played seriously before?"

"Oh well..." She walked over gracefully. "I wasn't very serious when I played... that counts, right?" He rolled his eyes and she gave a soft laugh. "Mostly this is all luck. Really... I'm sure you'll outdistance me easily." They all watched Jaye flick a precise shot up into the green to within a few feet of the cup and she fussed over not making it in. "Oh, just one more tap and you'll be in."

Jaye sighed theatrically and motioned for Beach to step up. "Okay... now this time... just a light stroke... don't overshoot like the last two holes."

He snorted and lined up carefully, clamping his teeth to prevent his tongue from escaping. So far he'd entertained the two ladies a dozen times by unconsciously sticking his tongue out. Concentrating, he tapped the ball lightly and watched it veer off to the side, bump into the shaggier grass surrounding the 'green' and settle into place. "Cock sucker."

"Wayne!" Courtney tried to chastise him and he grunted irritably while Flint tapped his own ball into the hole. Beach noted that Flint had obedient golf balls that went where the warrant officer wanted them to go. Beach on the other hand, had obviously been given defective greenshirt golfballs that needed a good beating to go where he wanted them.

Ignoring Courtney's chatter, he walked over to glare at the ball half burrowed into the thick grass. He'd never seen grass so healthy. Waste of space and waste of resources as far as he was concerned. He stepped up to the ball and looked over at the hole some twenty feet away and tried to figure out which way the stupid ball would roll if he knocked it towards the hole.

His caddy spoke up brightly. "Sir, I suggest you use a sand wedge, to get more loft, sir."

Beach twisted to glare at him, making the young man freeze in the act of reaching for a different club than the putter Beach already held. "Ah _suggest_ ya shut the hell up and STOP CALLIN ME SIR!" His voice ended on the loud bellow and he saw the distinct twitch that said "too far" just before the young caddy dropped the bag and took off at high speed. "Oh gawd dammit..." He raised his voice to yell. "GET BACK HERE RIGHT GAWD DAMN NOW!" The figure stopped in it's tracks but started to walk away slowly after a few seconds. "If yew make me run yew down..."

That ended it and the caddy came back, pale and shaking and staying well out of range. Beach narrowed his eyes and tried to swallow the urge to throttle him and scream for him to show some backbone. "Now, gimme the right club and Ah'll give it a shot yer way. Okay?"

"Y-y-yes s-s-s-sir... s-sorry s-sir..." The caddy lifted a club out with a huge unwieldy head and extended it as far as he could without approaching. The end waved around wildly as his hand shook. "J-just try to... to get u-under it, s-sir."

Beach took the club and looked at it before handing over the smaller putter. "Alright... just stand there.. don't go runnin' off just cause mah back is turned."

"N-no sir."

Flint had a hand over his eyes. "This is such a utter failure. Why was he even brought along? There's no way this will work." Jaye put a hand on his arm in warning and he shook his head. "No, stop.. this is ridiculous. He's not trying to learn to play, he's done everything wrong... he just made his caddy wet himself for god's sake! It's a failure."

Courtney snorted. "Oh shut up Dashiell. Stop trying to be so superior and enjoy the stupid day instead. If you quit harping about every rule and regulation in the game of golf, we'd probably ALL enjoy the day better." When Flint glared at her, she raised an eyebrow. He wanted to snap at her about insubordination but couldn't due to the caddies standing there listening. She deliberately turned her back and gave a little wave at Beach. "Go on honey, try to hit the ball. You can do it."

Beach stood with the golf club resting on one wide shoulder waiting for them to finish their arguing before he hit the ball. "Thanks, sweetness, I'll try." The smirk he gave her was meant to irk Flint and it worked. The warrant officer felt his teeth grind and forced himself to relax. "Now if ya'll quiet down... I gotta concentrate you know..." He stood over the ball and poked the oversized club head into the grass a bit.

"Ahem..." The caddy cleared his throat. "Try to hit underneath the ball... it will make it shoot up into the air and," His hand curved over in an arc to demonstrate. "...onto the green." He looked as if he were swallowing words back.

Beach twisted his lips a bit and tilted his head over looking at the ball hiding in the grass. "Under it, hey? Alright... " Lining up, he swung and thunked the club into the ground somewhat under the ball and watched it pop up into the air to bounce along the green. It rolled slowly to within two feet of the hole and stopped. Beach stared at it. "Well I'll be... damn."

Flint pursed his lips disapprovingly. "You're not supposed to hit the ground like that... "

Ignoring him, Beach stepped over to the caddy before he could flee and clapped a hand onto his shoulder heavily. "Good work there." He handed over the club. "Gimme that putter club."

"Yes sir..." The caddy gulped and handed it over. "Sorry s-ss..." He swallowed the word back with a visible effort. "Your putter."

Beach's lips almost quirked up as he took it. He pointed the club at Flint. "Look at that. Boy learned to not call me sir with one good yell." He almost casually pushed the golf ball so it rolled into the hole. "There. See Flint? I got the good caddy." He plucked the ball out of the hole and tossed it in the air a few times. "What's the score now?"

Giving a annoyed glance at the sergeant major, Flint tallied up the score. "Ahhh, we're on hole four. Courtney eighteen, Alison seventeen, I've got... hang on... uhh, twenty. And your total... four, plus seven, carry the two... fifty-three."

"Well shit."

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><p>End Chapter.<p>

No, not a very golfer. Poor caddy. He'll have the best story to tell all the others at the country club though. Until next chapter...


	4. Chapter 4: Ninja Golf

Another ninja chapter! Will StormShadow ever learn to play? Will Clutch hit the beer cart hard before the day is over?

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and read. I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad that it's been funny!

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><p>Scarlett's voice sounded rather strained from the bouts of laughter at her teammates' expense. "Tommy... just... just hit it straight... just once."<p>

Tommy's jaw was set and his face wore a scowl severe enough to have been pulled directly out of Beachhead's repertoire. "Shut up, Shana or I'll wrap this stupid useless so-called club around your neck." He didn't bother to look over as SnakeEyes snapped his fingers. "Yes, brother, I know, you'd be very put out if I killed her. You'd get over it."

Clutch sighed at him. "Less smack talking, more smacking the golf ball." He frowned slightly. "You need to address the ball properly Tommy... that's most of your problem."

StormShadow straightened up and glared directly at Clutch. The mechanic was suddenly reminded that although he might be the golf expert in the foursome, he was faced with one of the most deadly in the foursome... or on the entire course... possibly in the county... and he needed to stop thinking along this path. "Sorry. You keep slicing because you are failing to address the ball properly. Sometimes it's something simple..."

Waving at him dismissively, the ninja bent over the ball and narrowed his eyes. "Fine. Hello Mr Ball, I hate you and I'm going to hit you really hard to make you fly far, far away..." He tilted his head at Clutch. "Happy now, Lance?"

Clutch felt his eyelid twitch from the internal conflict. His survival sense was screaming at the frontal lobe to shut the hell up and he felt his mouth opening anyway and swallowed the smartass remark down... _hard. _"I meant, you aren't facing the ball square on... if you stand slightly to the side, you can't expect for the ball to go straight down the fairway. Okay?"

Scarlett did not share in Clutch's self-preservation in the least and was indulging in loud guffaws. "Oh god... oh god... I'm gonna pee..." She mimiced Tommy's precise tones. "Hello Mr Ball... oh GOD I'm gonna die here..."

SnakeEyes rather deliberately stepped between the shapely redhead and his sword brother and shook his head. He turned to Clutch to sign quickly. *I would have asked if we had preprinted labels since I doubt we could write small enough to fit an entire address on a tiny ball* Storm switched to glaring at SnakeEyes while Scarlett doubled over, squeezing her legs together as she howled with laughter.

Clutch chose to frown at her rather than either of the disgruntled ninja. "It's not THAT funny." She merely shook her head as she finally began to bring herself under control. "You guys should realize there's a long traditional history behind the game of golf. It's the game of kings... a little respect would be nice."

"Long traditional history my ass." Storm went back to his ball, making certain to stand in exactly the right spot at the correct angle and not too far from the tee... "I own ceramic bowls older than this stupid game." He swung powerfully and smiled as the ball went flinging through the air in the right direction, more or less. "There. See? Nothing to it." He tilted his head slightly. "Why... why did I just hear a splash?"

The caddies all looked at each other in confusion for a moment. His assigned caddy reached for the club hesitantly. "Sir, there is a water hazard located in that direction... but how could you have heard...?"

StormShadow blinked once before waving the young man off. "The uhh, sounds carries..." his hand waved about vaguely. "..and echos off the... " His eyes roamed around them before he finished. "...the... grass."

SnakeEyes put a hand on his face and shook his head. Holding out a hand, he gestured for his caddy to hand over a club. He lined up his shot, ignoring StormShadow behind him rummaging in the golf bag for something. When SnakeEyes swung, Storm's arm flung out quickly as well. SnakeEyes' golf ball was knocked out of the air by the ball Storm threw at it. The masked Joe turned on his friend furiously, using quick shortened signs that only a few Joes could follow.

Storm was all grins. "Sorry brother! It's just defense! Knocking your opponent's ball out of the air is perfectly legitimate."

Clutch put his hands on his hips. Although he had no idea what exactly SnakeEyes was signing, he could easily guess. "There's no throwing things at the ball. That's not a rule!"

Storm spread his hands innocently. "Of course it is. Or it should be. Golf is boring. You know why? Because there's no _defense_. You just advance towards the goal without any opposition. Enlightened players would play defense as well as offense. Only makes sense." He crossed his arms smugly.

Clutch narrowed his eyes. "Look, you're supposed to learn to play the game. You can't make up new rules and start interfering with another player's ball. It's not sporting!" The mechanic was struggling to keep his composure in the most unlikely of scenarios where he was the one trying to keep order. Somehow he just _knew_ that somewhere Duke was grinning ear to ear over this irony.

Storm shrugged eloquently. "I'm not usually noted for being sporting." He plucked up the golf ball he'd thrown. "Okay brother.. take your next stroke. I'm ready."

Clutch threw his hands in the air in disgust. "Shana! Can't you control them at all?" Scarlett merely raised her hands helplessly. "Great... just great." Clutch looked at the caddies. "I know you probably don't usually deal with this level of... uhh.. unprofessionalism..."

One of the caddies looked at the others and then shook his head. "No sir, it's not a problem sir." Clutch sighed and began to apologize again and the caddy held up a hand. "If I may? We have to deal with extremely rich and extremely drunk CEOs on a regular basis. At least you haven't blamed us when you miss. It's quite all right."

Storm smiled over at Clutch. "See? I'm sure they love the idea of defense in golf too. Now... let's have Snakes try again.." He crouched slightly, one hand ready with a golf ball.

SnakeEyes glared through his dark glasses and then stalked over to find another golf ball and kept it in his hand while he lined up to hit the ball. It took a bit of adjusting to hold both the club and the ball, but he managed. If his swing didn't connect with the same power, the ball he threw to intercept StormShadow's missile connected with a satisfying 'thunk' as it deflected it. He stood watching his shot fly over the nearby hill and twirled the club in his hand before extending it to his caddy. As he walked over to Scarlett, he signed with elaborate flourishes.

*Counter-measures.*

Clutch covered his eyes and tilted his face towards the sky. "Whyyyy... whyyyyy didn't I get Sneeden?"

Storm snorted loudly as they headed off to locate their balls. "Oh I'm sure that's the most boring group to play with ever. Our group will have much more fun, right Lance?"

"That's what I'm afraid of." Clutch led the group as they hiked over two small hillocks and then he stopped to smile. "Well Tommy... your ball went into the water. That's too bad."

Storm looked doubtfully at the pond. "Okaaaay so who put a pond in the golf course? That's stupid. Do I have to go swimming to hit it from the bottom of the pond?"

His caddy spoke up quickly, no doubt worried that his charge would indeed go diving into the water hazard. "No sir! You will have to take a stroke."

Storm frowned at him. "Take a what?"

"You... you drop a new ball at a certain spot and it counts as one hit. It's called 'taking a stroke' and adds one stroke to your score for the hole." The caddy nodded slightly. "A lot of players lose balls into this water hazard, sir. It's not uncommon." His attempt to pacify his client seemed to make him frown instead.

"Well perhaps 'a lot of players do' but I think it should be fairly easy to locate the ball in the water." Storm gazed at the pond and put his chin into his hand thoughtfully. "I think I'll..."

Scarlett interrupted, handing him a golf ball. "You'll take a drop, Tommy. No disappearing into the dirty pond water." She watched him give the ball a toss onto the ground in the right area and give her a smirk. "There, now you can try to hit it straight and not into a pond."

"Smartass woman." He lined up and swung, watching with annoyance as a second golf ball whipped in to knock his out of the air to land about twenty feet away, dribbling along a slope to plop into the water. "Snakes! That was _completely_ uncalled for!"

SnakeEyes stood casually leaning on a golf club. *Goose gander, brother.*

Storm frowned. Holding out a hand to his caddy who gave him another golf ball, he pointed at SnakeEyes. "Oh yessss... you just wait. I'm 'taking a stroke'. Someone make certain to write that down somewhere." He dropped the ball and began to line up, shifting his stance and gazing into the distance while SnakeEyes tossed a golf tee from one hand to another. Storm suddenly straightened up and stared across the grass. SnakeEyes turned to look, cursing inside his head as he heard the other ninja swing the golf club. His late attempt with the thrown tee missed and he snorted lightly. Storm smirked and gave a genteel wave for them all to continue. "Well well... seems I'm one point up on you."

Scarlett frowned, doing mental math for a moment. "Actually I think your score is still four strokes behind Snakes..."

He frowned only for a moment before tilting his head haughtily. "I was referring to the points for defensive golf. Not your petty old-style rules."

Clutch glared at him. "There IS no 'defensive golf'. We're playing real golf."

SnakeEyes stepped up into Clutch's line of sight. *Real golf would have windmills.*

The mechanic gritted his teeth. "Puttputt is NOT real golf!"

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><p>Yes. Ninja golf. Yes, it will get worse. Hope it was fun to read.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5:Accident Prone Golfers

A new chapter brought to you by the efforts of Karama9 who gave me encouragement and a kick in the pants when needed. Sorry it's taken so long to get this restarted. Stuff happens. Thank you Karama9! Also, go read her stuff, cause it's awesome cool and it's how I figure out if my StormShadow is 'right' or not. This chapter is with the Beachhead crew!

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><p>Covergirl swung and cursed as sand flew up in a cloud around her. "Why is there a sand pit in the middle of all this grass?" She searched for the ball half-hidden in the sand and stepped to the side. Standing over the nearly buried ball, she aimed carefully. "Stupid ball!" She swung again and threw more sand. The ball popped up only to bounce against the lip of the sand trap and roll back down to the middle. Her cursing grew louder.<p>

Beach stood up on the grass looking down at her attempts to knock the golfball back out. Flint and LadyJaye had moved to a shade-tree after Flint's snide remarks resulted in death threats. The shapely mechanic had a vocabulary of curses that rivaled Shipwreck's and wasn't hesitant to use them on the warrant officer. Beach tilted his head to the side as sand flew up around him. He shook his head, shedding clumps of sand out of his hair. "You know Princess... maybe you should..."

"Shut up. Seriously. I will climb up there and warp this club on your pointy skull." She pointed the club at him. Her long legs were coated in sand now and the shining gold hair was starting to look slightly bedraggled.

Beach took a breath before he spoke up anyway, keeping his voice low. "Just throw it out."

She frowned at him. "What? But that's..."

He interrupted. "Faster than diggin' that sand pit deeper?" He turned to look over at Flint under the tree chatting with Jaye. "Ain't no one gonna care. Just throw the stupid ball out and let's get on with this crap."

She contemplated for a few seconds then scooped the ball up to fling it in the right direction. Beach watched it go sailing off into the green and smiled at her. Then he turned to frown severely at Greg. "You didn't see nothin', got it?"

The caddy's eyebrows went up and he turned to Covergirl who was trying to climb out. "Very good swing, ma'am. Nice shot." Greg reached to take her hand to assist her out of the sand pit but thought better of it. Stepping back, he got out of the big man's way as he took Courtney's arm and lifted her easily. Her feet touched down on the grass and she smiled at Wayne in thanks. Greg took the club from her and followed them back towards the green.

Flint smiled at Covergirl as she approached, brushing sand off her legs. "Now see? If you'd listened to my advice, it wouldn't have taken so long." He stepped away when she glared at him. "Well it's true. I'll bet you ended up doing exactly what I advised in the end."

Beach snorted at him and waved one hand dismissively. "Yeah, yer brilliant... at least about useless stupid games." He motioned towards a golfball lying on the green. "That's gotta be mine."

One of the caddies piped up quickly. "That would be Miss Burnett's. Your shot went into the bushes over there." He smiled as LadyJaye walked up and took a club. "You'll want to angle towards the uphill slope, ma'am."

She smiled genteelly back at the young man. "Why thank you." Looking the area over, she settled in to swing smoothly, sending the ball flying over the uphill slope out of sight. "Nice."

Beach snorted at her. "Whatever." He went to his caddy. "Gimme a sturdy club fer whackin' bushes. I'm gonna go find my damn ball." He stomped off towards the nearby brush.

Flint waved at Covergirl, motioning for her to continue. "You might as well take your shot, Wayne will be a while, searching in that thick brush." She rolled her eyes but walked up and took a casual swing to send the ball winging after Jaye's.

"Very good shot, ma'am!" Andy the caddy walked up really close to take the club. "You have excellent form, if I might be so bold." He glanced around in an overly casual manner before leaning in to speak quietly. "Aren't you a model? I'm so certain I've seen you in pictures, I couldn't forget a face like yours." His awkward smile betrayed his inner excitement at caddying for a model.

Courtney preened slightly, twisting to watch him sliding the club back into the bag. "That's so sweet." She winced as a golf ball suddenlycame whipping through the air to clunk into the side of Andy's head. "Ouch, are you okay?" She bent over to look at him sprawled on the grass. "That's gonna leave a mark."

Beach came stalking out of the brush, glowering at the caddy who was sitting back up. Walking up to him, he pointed the club at the hapless boy's nose. "Well look at that. You musta been standin' in the wrong spot." Andy nodded while staring at the club. "See if'n ya were standing somewhere else... like say, fifteen feet away from Courtney here... I don't think yer head would have a lump on it."

Flint rushed over. "What happened? What did you do?"

Beach looked at Flint for a moment then back to Andy. "Seems Andy got in the way of a golfball. Shame." He looked at the ball lying right next to the caddy. "Well, I guess I should take a good swing at it... gotta 'play it where it lies', right Faireborn?" His smile held no humor and Andy let out a soft whimper.

Flint reached down and lifted the guy off the ground, assisting him to stand up. "Don't be ridiculous." Giving the shaken caddy a pat, he looked him over. "Are you okay?"

"J-just startled, sir. Thank you." Andy scooted around behind Flint to gaze wide-eyed at a completely unrepentant BeachHead. "Sorry sir." He moved to behind LadyJaye just for good measure at the glare from the Ranger.

Jaye gave Beach an indulgent smile. "Oh I'm sure Wayne is terribly sorry for thumping you with the ball accidentally." She winked at Courtney who seemed rather pleased herself. "It seems like Courtney attracts accidents. Young men seem to have quite a lot of mishaps when they're around her."

Flint grumbled loudly. "Well, there'd better not be any more accidents today." He pointed at Beachhead who tipped his golf club up onto his shoulder and smiled. "You go take your shot. Try to hit it onto the green this time. There's been enough of hunting through the brush and taking drops from the water hazard." The warrant officer stood with his arms crossed, waiting for Beach to hit the ball. "Go on. Hit it."

Beach frowned at him, most of the pleasure from chastising the caddy dissipating with Flint's comments. "Fine." He stood over the ball and looked to where the flag could barely be seen fluttering past a hill. "You want me to hit the damn ball... I'll hit the gawd damn ball."

Flint stepped back another few feet, positioning himself well to the side. Courtney and Jaye exchanged glances and stepped backwards instead, putting themselves behind Beachhead. The heavy Ranger gripped the club tightly, frowning at the small white ball sitting on the grass. The caddies looked at the confident smug Flint and at the slightly nervous women and stepped backwards to check the golf balls, brush some bits of grass into place and step on scuffs in the rough... anything that put them both behind Beachhead and well out of range.

Flint smirked over and spoke in a condescending voice. "Are you going to hit the ball today... or should we all just play on ahead and expect you to finish up sometime tomorrow?"

Beach's jaw clenched and he lifted the club to swing powerfully. Club connected with ball with a loud crack, sending it flying at top speed... into the back of Flint's oblivious head. The ball hit with a dull thunk and bounced backwards beyond the entire group.

Flint clutched at his head, yelling in pain. Everyone else froze in shock for just a few seconds before Jaye rushed forward to check him, Courtney turned on Beach to yell at him and Beach took the opportunity to fall over onto the grass howling with laughter.

"It's NOT funny Wayne!" Courtney almost kicked him but he rolled aside.

"Oh GAWD! That was GREAT! Best shot Ah made all damn day!" He moved out of range again. "Oh come ON! It was a dang accident!" He got to his feet quickly as Flint stomped up holding one hand to his head. "Accident! Ah swear!"

Flint stopped just short of getting into the Ranger's face and pointed angrily. "If you think I'll believe that you didn't do that on purpose..."

"Oh shut up... of course it weren't on purpose you fuckin' pogue." Beach still seemed incredibly pleased with himself. "If'n I could shoot the ball well enough to aim it at yer pointy head, do you really think that I'd have waited this long to whack you?" He wiped at his eye slightly.

Flint growled, unable to refute the Ranger's self-depreciating argument. "You're an asshole."

Courtney, having reassured herself that Flint wasn't injured and given up on attempting to kick Beach, spread her hands at the warrant officer. "He's got a point though. He couldn't possibly hit it accurately enough to have done that on purpose. So Wayne didn't mean to hit you."

Andy spoke up quickly. "It is the second person he's hit in the head with a golfball." He glanced over to the glowering Ranger. "B-by accident... of course."

Courtney sighed lightly and leaned towards LadyJaye to whisper loudly. "I got ten bucks that says Andy doesn't make it to Hole Eighteen without at least one broken bone."

Jaye raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. "I'll take that bet... Wayne is good at sticking to soft tissue damage."

Flint raised both hands up at them. "You! And You! Not! Helping!"

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><p>End Chapter<p>

Ahhh, Flint is learning why Duke never goes anywhere without a bottle of asprin.


	6. Chapter 6: Defensive Golf

A new ninja golf chapter, I hope you enjoy! Thank you to Karama9 who helped beta this for me so I could post it!

Standard disclaimer: I do not own any rights to GI Joe, and I make no money from these writings. They are meant only as homage to the greatness of GI Joe.

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><p>Scarlett looked over at Clutch. "Well, at least it's not boring." Her resigned expression turned back to where SnakeEyes was lining up to swing at his golf ball. Their second ninja was actually in front of him, holding his own golf club. Apparently there was debate as to whether he could actually hit Snakes' ball out of the air after he'd hit it. Bets had been made... including a sizable one made quietly between three of the four caddies. Storm had overheard it anyway, of course, and declared that if he managed the feat, he wanted half the pot.<p>

Clutch took in a deep breath and let it out. "Come on guys... you're being ridiculous now. You can't interfere in the game play like that.

SnakeEyes paused and signed easily. *He won't interfere. He won't be able to.* He took up the club again and shifted his stance slightly. He lifted his club and feinted twice. StormShadow ignored the first feint but almost swinging at the second feint, only to curse when SnakeEyes swung for real the third time. Missing the actual ball by a good few nanoseconds, Storm instead hooked his club over SnakeEyes' to push it aside. The mute ninja slipped his club free and twisted it around to bind Storm's club.

Clutch clearing his throat rather loudly made both ninja stop abruptly. "If you're both finished..." His glance towards the caddies who were watching told them he wasn't just objecting to them disparaging the game.

Storm straightened up and sauntered over towards the green. "Of course. Next time... " He lowered his voice to keep the caddies from overhearing him and tilted his head towards SnakeEyes. "Apparently Clutch thinks we'd give away our true identities... does he forget we're not amateurs?"

SnakeEyes' posture showed how relaxed he was. *Clutch over-reacts because he's not used to being the most experienced one on a mission*

Storm nodded with a falsely somber air. "Ahhh yes... over-compensating... something we're used to seeing with him..."

His words made Scarlett roll her eyes, which he loftily ignored in favor of waving magnanimously at the putting green . "Putting... now this is a perfect opportunity to show off how much more challenging Offensive Golf is."

Clutch sighed and rubbed one hand over his scruffy face. "No offensive golf. Just let everyone putt the balls." Scarlett stepped up and pointed her club at Storm in warning. Clutch hoped there wouldn't be any brawling. He spoke quickly to distract her. "I'll get the flag..." The mechanic walked over to lift the flag from the hole. "Go for it, Shana, you can't miss, really nice and flat green here."

She lined up carefully anyway, watching the two ninja who were standing to the side attempting to look casual. When she gave the ball a firm tap to send it rolling towards the hole, both of them jumped forward at once. "HEY! Leave my ball alone!"

Before she could stop him, Storm had pitched a golf tee at her ball, sending it off to the side. SnakeEyes threw his own tee to knock it back onto track, clapping lightly as it rattled its way into the cup. Storm turned rather angrily to his clan brother. "That's unfair! I knocked it off-course fair and square!"

Scarlett walked up to smirk at him as she put one arm around her man's waist. "Oh? So defense doesn't exist now?"

Looking decidedly sulky, Storm gave a loud snort of derision. "Of course it exists... but only by the player being... errr... offended." He raised his hands. "What? You'd have a free-for-all if you start letting anyone play defense against the offense! It'd be chaos! This is a very old honorable game, you know..."

Clutch snorted at that. "Riiiight. Get off the green." He lined up his own putt, trying to ignore the ninjas who were oh-so-casually stepping into just the right place. "Don't."

SnakeEyes gave a overly innocent shrug while Storm smiled. "We aren't doing anything." They jumped as soon as Clutch tapped his golf ball towards the hole, SnakeEyes trying to push Storm aside while the shorter man stuck a foot out to squash the rolling ball into the green. He looked pleased as he examined the results. The ball was nearly out of sight under the short grass. "Nice." Storm smirked at Clutch. "Putt that, Mr Snooty Pants."

Clutch simply had a hand over his eyes. "Whyyyy didn't I take Beach instead?" He took a breath and looked at the ball a few moments. Turning to the caddies, he asked, "Instead of trying to chop it out with a club, think I should just take a drop?"

The caddies suddenly looked relieved. "Yes sir. That would be preferable. We'd hate for you to be hit with green repair fees."

Clutch shrugged and dug the ball out of the ground with two fingers, ignoring the disappointed protests behind him. "Okay, taking a stroke, let's not destroy the entire golf course guys." He gave it another tap and watched the ball roll unmolested into the hole, thanks only to Scarlett throwing a stray golf ball at StormShadow's head. The ninja was distracted just long enough to miss his swipe at the ball and made a face at her. Clutch smirked. "Thank you." Retrieving the ball, he waved the caddy away from the flag again. "I got it. Tommy, you're up. Remember to tap gently and keep the club face at a ninety degree angle."

Storm took the putter in hand, gave one last glare at Scarlett and looked along the grass to the hole and back to his ball a few times. "I think I can manage to putt the ball into the hole. It's only ten feet away. I'm normally quite accurate with further distances and smaller items..." He gave the ball a healthy tap and watched it rolling along towards the hole. "See? There's really nothing to this game, boring as watching the grass grow. Using defense is the only thing that would make it tolerable at all."

Clutch's jaw had tightened at each word. Watching the little white ball come rolling up to the hole, he suddenly stuck his foot out and put it directly over the hole. The ball bumped into his shoe and bounced off to the left. "Oops. Maybe you're right. Defense is more fun." He smirked while Storm tried to protest. "What? Good for the goose and all that. At least_ I_ didn't cause destruction to the property."

SnakeEyes signed fluidly. *You interfered though, so now it's legal to interfere* He nodded to emphasize his point.

Scarlett waved her hands. "Wait wait... if we're having defense, then who gets to decide who can interfere and who can't? Tommy SAID it couldn't be just a melee, right?"

Storm protested. "You just don't want anyone to mess with your balls."

SnakeEyes coughed a little in laughter. *Scarlett doesn't have balls...*

Clutch spoke up, without any forethought to the possible consequences of his words. "Oh she's had your balls in a jar for years..." His jaw snapped shut too late and he held up his hands to try to ward off the redheaded fury coming after him. "Hey! Joking! Joking! Not the kneecap!"

His squawk of pain made Storm wince slightly as he wandered over to stand next to his sword brother. "Your woman is downright vicious at times. How do you sleep at night?"

SnakeEyes' posture was extremely smug. *I think it's sexy.*

"You would."

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><p>End Chapter<p>

Thanks for reading. Reviews are adored, I hope you enjoyed.


	7. Chapter 7: Expert Assistance

Ha! See? I hadn't forgotten the fic. Sorry for the delay... this is almost done. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

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><p>Jaye had one hand on Beach's arm, deceptively tight around the bicep. "Wayne, isn't it a pleasant day?" Her tone said more than the innocent words. "Aren't you having a nice time?"<p>

Beachhead dragged his eyes away from the stranger who had sauntered up to their group. "Huh?" He had spent the better part of the last ten minutes watching the man, who he noted to himself, was younger, thinner and better looking than himself, smoozing up to Courtney and kissing Flint's ass.

Jaye had managed to notice almost immediately that the guy's behavior was ticcing off the big Ranger. "It's such a lovely day... it'd be a _shame_ if anything spoiled the day, wouldn't it?" Her fingers tightened in warning and she heard a low rumble before Beach's head lowered slightly and he eased backwards a step. "There. Now, Mr Cornwell is just showing Courtney some tips on her game. Isn't that nice of a professional to stop and help her out?"

"Ain't the game he's thinkin' of..." Even lowered, Beach's voice held a definite warning note. "If'n he gets any closer to her, he'll be 'helpin' her outa her clothes..."

Courtney's eyes flicked up to his face only for a second in warning. Then her pleasant vacant smile was back. The ex-professional golfer motioned her to line up to putt the ball again. "Oh, you've been soo helpful, I think I've got it now." She eased herself away from his almost-embrace from behind as he'd been 'adjusting' her stance and grip. "You know I have trouble seeing all the dips and rises in the greens too."

Obligingly, Cornwell stepped away to squat on the edge of the neatly trimmed grass and motioned at it. "This green just has the slightest upslope to the right. It's nearly impossible to see... if you're not as experienced as I am, of course." His advice led to Courtney putting the ball right into the cup. She gave a little jump in fake excitement and Beach felt his left eye twitch at how focused the pro was on her 'jumping'. "Very good! See? I knew I could help you out."

Beach's fist tightened on a golf club as the group headed to the next tee. Jaye placed her hand on his forearm again. "Wayne, you cannot beat the guy to death with your 9 iron."

His voice was low as he rumbled a reply. "Why the fuck you call them 'clubs' if you can't beat folks with them then?" He watched Courtney walking between Flint and Cornwell and fought back the jealousy. He hated feeling jealous. It was stupid and there was no good reason for it. Courtney was perfectly capable of thwarting unwanted attentions. Of course, she was practically flirting with the guy and he was eating out of her hand... his eye twitched again. Cornwell's hand came up to rest on the small of the woman's back in a overly possessive manner and Beach felt the golf club in his hand rise slightly.

Jaye hissed slightly. "Beach, stop it. He's just helping her with her swing... it's nothing."

He growled. "Well, Ah just wanna help him by showin' him MY swing." Jaye sighed and tugged his arm to slow him from advancing on the threesome ahead of them. "I'm just gonna..."

"You're going to stand here and look pleasant and let Courtney deal with him. You know she can handle this on her own." Jaye frowned at him.

He frowned back but stopped walking and stood with his arms crossed glowering. "It's what he's tryin' to handle that perturbs me." Even through the glaze of jealous anger, he saw that Jaye was right. The ex-model seemed to never be in quite the right position for a hand to land on any part of her that would be unseemly. She had a knack for stepping to the side accidentally right when the brash professional moved in closer. As Beach watched her maneuvering around the tee, he had to admire how elegantly she put the poor pogue off without presenting anything he could object to.

By the time it was his turn to tee off, Beach was smirking at how frustrated Cornwell seemed over his inability to manipulate the leggy blond. He was so pleased over it that he barely cursed when his ball went winging off to the right.

"You sir have a heck of a slice going on there." Cornwell motioned at the tall Ranger. "You certainly could benefit from some beginner's instruction. I'd suggest you try a less challenging course some time. You might enjoy it more." He remained smug, not even noticing the frowns from the other players.

Beach simply smiled tightly. "Naw, I doubt I'd enjoy it a whit more than this course here. Scenery is grand even if they'll let any old riff-raff in to play." Ignoring the man, he walked on, bending an elbow to offer Courtney his arm as he headed to find his golf ball. "Comin'?"

Her eyes closed slightly in satisfaction. "Of course, dear." They sauntered away while Cornwell sputtered in indignation. Courtney glanced over her shoulder at Flint and Jaye trying to placate him. "I thought you were going to wrap that 9 iron around his skinny neck. I can't stand a rich guy with grabby hands."

Beach smiled as he strutted. "You were handlin' him just fine." He motioned rather grandly. "And when I said scenery, I meant you. You're lookin' fine as frog hair out here today, you know." She smiled and hugged his arm. "Of course, I wouldn't have minded seein' you knee him in the nads neither."

"I thought about it."

"That's mah girl." Beach watched Flint and Jaye catch up to them. "What? Did Mr Hoity Toity Cornwell decide not to play with us no more?" He smirked at Flint's evident anger.

Flint glowered at him. "No, the expert decided that he was unappreciated in our group. He's headed to the clubhouse." When Beach simply smirked more, he pointed at him. "You need to stop pissing off anyone who you don't like."

"Why?" Beach held out a hand to his caddy who put a club into it from a safe distance. "He's an asshole. And if'n I'm supposed to be some rich pogue what would be a member here, I wouldn't care whether I pissed the piece of shit off or not, now would I?" He turned away and waved the end of the club at the area, speaking to his caddy. "Where's the stupid ball this time?"

"Over this way, s-s-ahhh... here. This is it." The caddy stepped aside and pointed out the flag in the distance. "I'd suggest a good straight on hit. We're on a bit of a rise, it'll have enough height to reach the green." He eyed the Ranger lining up to hit the ball and then stepped further away.

Flint crossed his arms, still fuming. Jaye reached out to pat his arm and spoke to him quietly. "You know, he is right. If he was some rich redneck member..."

Flint rolled his eyes at her. "I _know_ he's right. Why do you think I'm so pissed?" He watched her snicker slightly. "I hate when he's right. He's so damn smug when he's right."

She shifted her hips and watched the Ranger smacking the golf ball. He seemed pleased when the ball flew towards the green. He handed the club back to his nervous caddy with some praise for the boy's advice. "Wayne is improving. He hasn't yelled at the caddies in the last.." She paused to check her watch. "... the last ten minutes or so."

Flint snorted loudly. "That's only because he's got them so scared that all he has to do is glare now."

"True." Jaye leaned slightly into her boyfriend as he put an arm around her. "It is kind of nice to spend a day out here, playing golf and socializing with you. No worries and no real duties." She smiled up at him and watched his face relax into a smile.

As if cued by their relaxing, loud shouting came from nearby and Flint sighed. "No duties other than keeping our Sergeant major from murdering caddies."

"He won't murder any of them. Maybe rough them up, a few soft tissue injuries... but not kill them." Jaye smiled at Flint's irritated grumbles. "That's why you're here. To keep everyone out of trouble."

"I'm going to get Duke back for this. He should be here putting up with this. But is he going undercover as a golfer? Noooo, Duke gets to stand around in a suit with dark glasses, speaking mysteriously into his sleeve and looking cool. I'm the one pulling out his hair trying to corral these stubborn troopers." Flint sped up to approach the green where CoverGirl was attempting to land a blow using her sand wedge on Beachhead who was scrambling on all fours trying to escape. "Jebus Crissy! If it's not one of them, it's the other!" He waved his arms. "Stop trying to kill him!"

CoverGirl aimed slightly better and thumped Beach in the back. He yelped and she pointed it at him as he rolled to his feet. "You! Crouching down on the grass like that!"

He held up his hands. "Hey! HEY! Stop tryin' to hit me! That professional was crouched down on the grass too! I wasn't doin' nothin' he wasn't doin' too!" He ducked another swing.

She stopped a second to shake a fist at him. "HE was squatting to look at the green better! YOU were squatting to look up my skirt better!"

Beach grinned unrepentantly. "Hey, I got better priorities than he did! You gotta nice ass, after all!" He caught the club when it swung at him again and jerked it away from her. "Ha! Now whatcha gonna do!" His loud yelp made Flint wince in sympathy. "STOP KICKIN' ME IN THE KNEECAP!"

Jaye crossed her arms. "You know... maybe we should have picked Clutch and StormShadow instead."

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><p>End Chapter<p>

I think the next chapter will be the last one. I'll try to get it finished quickly! Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed. It's greatly appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8: Final Chaos

Chapter 9

First: My apologies for time it's taken to get this last chapter written and posted. You can all thank Karama9 for her invaluable assistance in betaing this chapter for me. Also, thank you to my friend River for her help.

Second: A/N, this is the last chapter! Finally it's done. I hope you all enjoy it and thank you so much for all the feedback. I always love to hear what folks think about anything I've posted. I'm working on more fics to post.

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><p>Clutch was holding the purloined flagpole from the previous hole. "Yeah, try it Tommy-boy." He was facing off against the smaller Joe who was perusing the green in an attempt to find a putting path to the hole that Clutch wasn't going to intercept. "You got no chance."<p>

StormShadow tilted his head slightly. "Is that a group of sorority girls?" Despite the obvious nature of the trick, Clutch simply couldn't _not_ look around. The tap of the putting iron made him whirl around and swipe desperately at the ball. His hasty swing missed and he raised the flag for a second attempt.

"Hey!" Storm objected. "No second chances!"

Frowning, Clutch watched the little ball tumble into the cup with a clink. "Dammit. That was low."

Scarlett was grinning at the success of the tactic. "Exploiting your weakness is low?"

Clutch sighed at her. "You'd think you would be on my side. I mean, I'm trying to keep order here." He started walking over the slight hill towards the next tee. "Hey, check it out..." He pointed at the distant group of figures. "Looks like we're catching up to the next group."

SnakeEyes signed quickly. *Do we get extra points for taking them out?*

Putting a hand over his face as they walked, Clutch shook his head. "No, civilized game, remember? We can play through if we think we're playing faster than they are. Otherwise, we can just wait politely."

Exchanging a wicked look with his sword brother, StormShadow began to walk faster. "I think we're going to need to 'play through' them." He held out a hand to his caddy. "I need a couple golf balls." The caddy handed them over without question. At this point, the caddies all varied between amused at the antics of the strange foursome and slightly horrified at the wild gameplay.

Clutch turned to look at the ninja just as he lined up and flung the first golfball. "Hey, what are you... stop that!" He twisted to watch the tiny ball as it arched up into the sky. Cupping his hands around his mouth, Clutch shouted towards the group in warning. "FORE!"

They saw the faces turn towards him. One second later, one of the figures grabbed at his head and jumped around. The distant sound of angry shouting carried to them easily. Storm grinned unrepentantly. He shouted back, "Sorry! I have a bad slice!"

The shouting got slightly louder. The caddies exchanged a few looks before one cleared his throat. "Excuse me but assaulting other players IS grounds for expulsion from the club..."

Scarlett made an executive decision. "We know that group. We work with them occasionally. There's no reason to call security." The caddies all relaxed a bit. "Tommy, don't..." She sighed as he threw a second golf ball after the first. "...throw any more."

He looked disappointed when Flint caught the second ball. "Fine, but how are we supposed to play through their group if we don't scatter them with air support first?"

Clutch glared at him. "Not funny. We go ask politely." He ignored the eye rolling response and continued towards the group.

"What if we use some smoke for cover?" Storm was determined to have some sort of fun with their teammates.

Scarlett shook a finger at him. "No, because you'll just use it as cover to leave." His disappointed expression told her she was right. "Behave. You're supposed to be an adult here."

They got close enough to hear Beachhead's outraged shouts. "Y'all bastards!" He rubbed the side of his head. Apparently LadyJaye was speaking to him as he turned to listen to her a moment. From the arm waving he started doing as he stalked off to rant at the caddies, she had managed to convince him not to attempt beating the ninja in retaliation.

When the two groups met up, Scarlett made a show of going to greet the other two ladies. Clutch shook hands with Flint. "Faireborn. How's your game going?"

Flint cut his eyes over at the obviously annoyed Sergeant major standing to the side, arms crossed and frowning. "Well, my game has gone fine. Sneeden over there has spent most of the day bushwhacking." Courtney made a face at him and he sighed heavily. "And she's been cheating... she's practically a professional player and kept saying she was a newbie."

Clutch stared at her a moment. "Girl! You sharking them?"

She beamed in a smug manner. "Maybe." Watching him cursing about missing all the fun, she patted Beachhead on his arm lightly. "See? We had the fun group."

"Fun mah ass." Beach chewed his tongue a second. "Tell 'Lance' how we got little pogues fer caddies." She slapped his jaw lightly, making him smile a little. "Baby, you keep doin' that..."

"Oh Lord help us, please don't start, you two cause enough issues already." Flint said. "Am I to assume that you'd like to play through, Steinberg?"

Before Clutch could reply, Beach's eyebrows had gone up. "Oh whoa... wait, how come they get to go ahead of us? We was here first." He straightened up to cross his powerful arms across his chest and glared down at the mechanic. "Y'all oughta wait yer turn."

Flint rolled his eyes. "You'll hold every group behind us up if they have to wait for you to find your ball in the woods every other shot."

"Well then they can learn patience. It's a virtue and shit." Beach's jaw set in a stubborn line.

Clutch cleared his throat. "Well, we are moving a bit faster than your group, but..."

Courtney spoke up herself. "Hey, is that a crack at my man? He's never played the stupid game before. It's not fair to keep pointing out that he's not as good at it."

Clutch frowned now. "I haven't pointed it out at all... don't be yelling at me!" Beachhead was suddenly closer and somehow... larger... "I mean... don't raise your voice please... it's rude." The mechanic edged away slightly. "Sooo, we can just play through then."

"You ain't jumpin' line. Wait yer turn." Beachhead didn't show any sign of compromising. He was frustrated with playing a ridiculous game he had no talent for and he wasn't about to pass up a chance to make someone else frustrated as well.

Flint sighed at the big Ranger. "That's hardly fair. They're playing faster than our group, so we'll just let them play through."

Courtney, perhaps simply out of mischievousness, suddenly agreed with Beachhead. "I don't think they should just to get to go ahead of us for free." She smiled. "Let's have the two worst players do a hit-off! Whoever can hit the ball further, that team gets to go first. That's fair." Beachhead frowned at being put on the spot unexpectedly. She patted him fondly. "You can take them, Big Guy.. I have confidence in you."

He shifted a bit. "Fine. Who's the worst shot on yer team?"

Scarlett, SnakeEyes and Clutch all turned to look at StormShadow who frowned back at them. "I am not the worst!" Eyebrows went up and his frown deepened. "Well... maybe but not by that much. It's a stupid game anyway, and I'm far from being the worst at defensive golf, a far superior version of the game." He tilted his head back in a confident manner.

Flint tipped his head slightly. "Defensive golf? What's defen..."

Clutch held up a hand. "Don't ask, trust me." He waved at the two players now singled out. "Okay, so you two both hit a ball off a tee, and whoever gets further wins and that team goes ahead of the other."

Courtney smiled. "And bragging rights."

Clutch sighed just slightly. "And bragging rights, such as they are."

SnakeEyes began to sign as the two players retrieved favored golf clubs from their caddies. *Is interference allowed?*

Clutch spoke quickly. "No. Regular rules golf only. Besides, 'Wayne' won't play nice if we start changing the rules on him."

Beachhead snorted. "Wayne ain't played nice from the damn beginnin' anyway. So which direction spook?" Storm considered the wind for a moment and then pointed. Beach motioned him aside. "Alright then... get outa the way." He lined up and concentrated, clamping his teeth tightly to avoid Scarlett joining the girls in laughing at his habit of sticking his tongue out. His golf club swept up in an arc, then powered down, swinging hard to connect with the golf ball with a loud crack. They all watched it winging it's way over the hill and bouncing out of sight. "Beat that, scrawny."

Before Storm could retaliate, his head tilted in the 'listening' pose. "I think there's another group playing over there... you hit one of them and they're very unhappy over it." His brow furrowed as he concentrated. "I think... I might recognize..."

Beach flung both arms up. "You picked the direction! Ain't my fault he deliberately picked a direction what had folks in it!"

Flint shouted at him. "You've been a menace to the whole golf course ALL DAY! Do I need to remind you that you hit ME in the head?"

Beach sneered in reply. "Best shot Ah made all day!"

LadyJaye stepped up to attempt to mediate again. "Come on, Dash, you know that was an accident." She waved a hand at the angry Ranger. "Wayne couldn't hit the broad size of a barn with a golfball on purpose."

"Hey!" Courtney put her hands on her hips. "Don't diss on my man, just because he hasn't played your hoity toity society games like the rest of your stuck up friends."

Beach turned to the mechanic. "Settle down, ain't no need to get fussed over anything."

She glared. "Don't interfere!"

Clutch had brightened up. "Chick fight! Let her go, Wayne, she's a big girl..."

Beach spun and pointed at him. "You don't get into this..."

Flint stepped in. "All right. Enough. Everyone shut up."

StormShadow and SnakeEyes both whirled as the foursome of players that had been assaulted by the stray golf ball appeared through the bushes.

The first angry voice raised had a distinct accent. "What imbecile tried to kill me with a ineptly struck golf ball? I shall sue them to within an inch of their life!"

A shapely dark-haired woman with glasses followed quickly. "Obviously they don't know WHO they are dealing with!"

The set of twins in matching suits brought up the rear of the group, sneering in an aloof fashion. "It seems the Club's standards..."

"...have become lax these days." finished the second brother.

As the two groups stared at each other, everyone fell into stunned silence. Flint was the first to find his voice.

"What is Cobra doing here!"

Everything fell into chaos quickly. Beachhead dove at the Crimson Twins, snarling and swinging his two-iron with an accuracy he'd lacked all day during the game. The Joe women headed for the Baroness, who was looking much less haughty without her allies beside her since the twins were dealing with an angry Ranger, and Mindbender had instantly chosen the ever-preferred tactic of running away from opposing forces that included vengeful ninjas.

Stormshadow was shouting at Dr Mindbender while trying to avoid the mingled group of golf caddies. "You are doomed Mindbender! When I catch up with you, I shall take you apart in tiny slices!"

Flint went after Tomax and dragged him off Beachhead's back, trying to put the agile Corsican into a headlock. "Give up now! We outnumber you!" He ducked as a shot was fired over his head.

Xamot aimed at the warrant officer's head this time. "Now that I have your attention... your... unarmed attention..."

Tomax smiled as he twisted free. "...perhaps you will be the ones giving up." His face went a shade paler as the noise of a .45 slide being racked back and released sounded behind him.

Beachhead's grin was an ugly sneer. "Ain't all of us unarmed. Drop the gun, or your dear brother becomes your dear departed brother."

Tomax held up his empty hands and smiled. "Oh please... you wouldn't shoot an unarmed opponent." Beachhead's expression twisted in frustration. "You good guys are so very hampered..."

Xamot finished. "... by your regulations and morals." His finger started to tighten on the gun's trigger as he continued to aim at Flint. Beachhead slipped his finger around the trigger of his own gun and his lips tightened as he stepped slightly closer to Tomax. "Put down the gun... or Flint gets..." Xamot's demand ended in a loud yelp as a golf ball struck his knuckles. He clutched at his head when a second ball hit. "Ow!"

SnakeEyes pitched one more ball into Xamot's head before he signed quickly. *I have to go catch StormShadow before he murders Mindbender* He disappeared through the brush quickly, chasing after the sounds of screaming in the distance.

Flint lunged forward to tackle the still partially stunned Xamot, while Beachhead grabbed at Tomax. Flint shouted loudly. "NO shooting! You might hit one of the civilians!"

"Gawd dammit, I know that!" Beach took a punch to jaw and blocked two more, grabbing the twin by his arm and throwing him over to the ground hard. "Stay down you damn freaky monkey!"

The twin's acrobatic training was making them difficult to contain, much less defeat, and Flint was having as much trouble with his opponent as Beachhead was with his. Only the psychic link that made both stagger when either one was hit was making the Joes gain the upper hand.

CoverGirl was struggling back to her feet from where the Baroness had thrown her over her back. The Cobra leader was having much more trouble fending off the elite martial artist Scarlett however. The two ended up tumbling down the slope away from the rest of the melee.

Clutch quickly got the civilian caddies out of the danger zone, and had sent them scrambling for cover by the time Duke arrived at a run.

The Joe leader stopped and looked over the mayhem occurring across the neatly manicured grass. "What the hell is going on?"

As the only Joe not engaged in actual combat, Clutch figured it was his place to update his commanding officer on current events. He leaned casually on a club and waved expansively at the scene.

"Well... let's see, right now, Flint is losing a fist fight with Tomax.. or Xamot.. while Beach is winning his fist fight with Xamot... or Tomax, which one has the scar? Oh never mind. Scarlett is the one covered in weeds falling into the pond over there, Jaye is the one holding the Baroness under the water. None of the ladies have lost their tops, unfortunately... although Courtney is still in the running for it since she's riding Xamot's back... or Tomax... dammit.. I really should write that down so I don't forget which is which... oh the caddies are mostly sobbing in the 6 hole sand trap and I think it's a grounds keeper that's unconscious over at the 7 hole tee. Not sure if he fainted at the ninjas or got hit in the fight. Snakes and Storm are somewhere attempting to murder Mindbender, unless he found transport pretty quickly. I think that covers it."

Duke put his face into his hands. "God help me. Why can't the bunch of you stay out of trouble for four stinking hours? Why? WHY?"

"Well, it's not OUR fault Cobra uses the same country club. Hey, when everyone is in custody, are we still on for lunch? It'll be happy hour you know." Clutch's look of fake innocence made Duke's teeth ache. "I guess that Hawk's feeling that Cobra would be lurking around was right, huh?"

Duke swallowed down his temper. "Yes. This means all the golfing plans for tomorrow are off. No way will Hawk allow any high ranking politician to come into an area where known terrorists were just spotted." He sighed deeply. "This really was supposed to be easy."

Clutch grinned unrepentantly. "Well, if the job was easy, they'd send Boy Scouts... not GI Joes! Shall we go assist our teammates in apprehending some Cobra bad guys... ahem, and bad girls?" Clutch paused. "How much pain would I be in if I took just a _little_ video before we break up the girl fight?"

Duke sighed heavily as he started down the slope of well trimmed grass. "From LadyJaye, CoverGirl, Scarlett or from Flint, Beachhead or SnakeEyes on their behalves?"

Clutch's face fell. "Oh. Well, when you put it like that... you're a real party-pooper, you know that Duke?"

"It's golf, it's not supposed to be fun."

END

Again, thank you to everyone who's been so very patient waiting for me to get this wrapped up. I never intended for it to drag out so long, but life intervenes on occasion and we can but do our best.


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